the onion’s strategic hyperbole reserve is running dangerously low these days, too

certainly true!

it reached 18% in '81, there’s a long way to go

who will freeze my peaches now!?

it’s used in chess, as well, which makes sense, since it’s a wargame.

that quote about sufficiently advanced technology being indistinguishable from magic feels more true every day. truly the future is wondrous.

horny minotaur

as opposed to a minotaur without horns?

I don’t have the powers of precognition

your username rather specifically implies otherwise, yog

god forbid a woman has hobbies!

there won’t be any way for trump to wriggle his way out of his war crimes tribunal when he puts his genocidal intent in writing like this

just to add a little to the other two comments, they were primarily used during ww1 and the beginning of ww2

changing out the warhead on some standoff munitions with containers of boots and launching them from a safe distance into some mountains

technically boots on the ground, the bet doesn’t specify “infantry” or “soldiers”

trump is nothing if not an accomplished philologist and scholar of classical latin

aggressively

drone swarms hold up the other half of the sky

worst case? or best case?

mamma mia!

He identifies Iran’s three aims to prevent future wars started by the US:

1 - A total withdrawal of the US from its bases in the Middle East.

2 - The end of OPEC’s economic ties to the US, including both oil and data centers.

3 - That OPEC must disinvest in their petrodollar holdings.

in six to twelve months trump will declare total and complete victory over the entire middle east, so complete that u.s. military bases are no longer needed in the region. “the troops are so tired of winning, folks.” the data centers will get sold off to their host countries to service debts and prop up the u.s. domestic economy, and then any remaining usd held by opec will simply be seized from u.s. controlled banks, with a handsome percentage siphoned off to the personal accounts of trump’s family and allies. u.s. media outlets will forget the middle east ever existed as the work of annexing canada begins.

with a significant portion of the world’s oil infrastructure (outside north america) destroyed, the global south will greatly benefit from the availability of cheap chinese solar panels and electric vehicles. the rest of the world will transition to a clean energy economy while america retracts to squeeze out profits from the dying gasps of the fossil fuel industry.

operation mulch maker

The US has had 30 years without the USSR and they’ve gone to complete shit.

capitalism is the most efficient system