Nah. They’re shopping for a third.
More specifically, a handmaid.
What type of… handjobs?
The kind of jobs where you use your hands to do all of their housework for them for free while bearing the husband’s children.
It’s not a sin if you keep your grip still while a third bounces on the bed.
The classic Provo soak+jump hump
…may the lord open
Blessed be the fruit.
Nah, they’re Mormons. They’re actually this crazy
Ah yes because Jesus was known for his condescending, judgmental attitudes against others.
Is Jesus God? Because God had some pretty shitty things to say about women and gay folk. 🤷♂️
that would be an ecumenical matter
How right you are, Father. How right you are!
That’s the thing about Jesus. He was sent to earth to finally be nice to humans by his vengeful, controlling father, as a gesture of reconciliation.
God sounds like a massive piece of shit.
Women must be subservient to men! Stone the gays! You can own human beings as property!
JK! LOL Here’s my son, you can torture him to death in a horrific fashion, so we’re cool, right?
No man… We’re pretty damn far from cool…
The Old Testament, to me at least, is essentially worthless. It has likely been mistranslated and misinterpreted over the many, many centuries of its existence to the point where its original meaning (if it had any in the first place) is gone.
The NT is at least more readable and contains quite a bit of wisdom. Message is pretty simple: essentially, love and forgive others. Which we could all do more of, especially in this day and age.
What I don’t necessarily agree with is needing obedience to a central dogma or organized religion…I think the only thing that matters is how you live your life and treat others. Doesn’t matter the religion, or lack of religion. We are all equal.
Yeah but kids are often more progressive than the parents
Can bukake be used as a baptism if it happens in a church?
Thank you, Internet.
Now there’s a brand new sentence (probably)
nah I bet you could find a dozen death metal bands with that as the lyrics
The church I grew up believed in immersion, not sprinkling. It’s not a no, but it’s gonna be more difficult.
Logistical problems aside, if it’s a non-Newtonian fluid, it’s going to be an issue.
We’ll deal with them walking on it if and when it happens
I am church contracted cum supplier, noseplugs sold separately
What the fuck
Well it’s obvious Becca wants to open up and be filled with the Holy Spirit, and that got me thinking.
Let’s face it, that question has probably been at least thought of by Catholic priests before.
Spencer definitely wants to film his wife being nailed by another man
He wants to be the one to jump on the bed.
We can only assume that if soaking isn’t premarital sex, then it can’t be extramarital sex either.
Good for Spencer.
Maybe Spencer wants her to film him getting the nailing
hey bi switch vers people exist yannow
That’s fine…but Spencer’s wife is probably in the dark. Because he doesn’t accept himself
Don’t we all?
I’ll go to your church, you come to my orgy. Fair is fair, right?
Imagine the uproar if you went to a church and said “you’re so prudish, you need to fuck more, come to Tinder.”
Joseph Smith: “No need to make them exclusive.”
Oh sweet summer child.
The church IS the orgy. Now here, have some Kool aid, we’re going to see the face of God together.
Liar, this is Flavor Aid.
I’d love an orgy, but not with little boys.
I’ll pass.
If I saw this in the wild, I’d immediately hire the most attractive single person I could find to reply to this ad, go to church with them, and low-key try to have sex with either/both of them on the side
I’ve found Bible Satan.
If that’s me, I hope it pays better than my current job…
my partner and I did some butthole fingering at midnight up against a church the year we started dating
we’ve been together for 13 years
thank you jesus
My first time was while vandalizing a church. Yeah it was pretty great. Be this couple’s unicorn.
It’s called the loophole!
If the loophole works it means God is okay with gay sex
Why do you think he put the prostate up there? 🤭
Weird way of looking for a threesome with another threesome but okay.
“Come with us!”
The sound like the second most insufferable couple ever, right after the couple that is going through a very public breakup right now.
Would. Both of them.
The only correct response
“Come with us”
I’m willing to go to church on her, not interested in the guy though
Give him a chance. He just wants to watch.
Fine by me, I’ll teach him a few things like finding the clitoris
OK but that’s not her name.
As long as you only soak it, he won’t be able to object.
No thanks, Satan gave me a good deal for mine.
Cum with us!
But you guys will put out after Church, right?
During.
They did don some crazy underwear in anticipation of the event. Also, polyamory is definitely on the table if they’re true to their founder’s beliefs and actions.
Don’t sully polyamory with the misogyny that is polygamy. They want multiple wives to have multiple women to control
I don’t think polygamy has to be misogynistic, although I agree that’s the way its been overwhelmingly applied throughout recorded history. It could hypothetically be misandrist if power dynamics had the opposite gender polarity. I think the core issue is the power imbalance being expressed in the construction of a harem. Anyway, I think of polyamory as the broad term and polygamy as an unfortunate subset of it, designed to legally and unilaterally enforce an inequitable and exploitive type of polyamorous relationship by members of one gender against the members of another. That’s a pretty broad generalization of gender, sex, and orientation dynamics, but I’m not an expert in the field. I assume there’s still some kind of conventional, ontological hierarchy with corresponding terminology. I think that’s what I was reaching for.
It’s about the term. Polyamory and Polygamy could basically mean the same thing if polygamy wasn’t already having heavy ties to a man controlling a harem of women.
Yeah, connotation and context are important.
*this is a real offer to cum with us!!
With Jesus’ little extra
